There are times I don't journal, or don't read scripture everyday or pray. I don't feel guilty either. Rather, I simply tell Jesus. Lord I don't really want to talk to you today. I'm too tired to get up and get my bible. I'm super sleepy and don't really want to do the morning devo. I'm kinda sad this is how I feel, so would you change my desires. Would you give me a hunger and thirst for your word and your presence that is more real to me than my desire for tamales right now.
There is something far more powerful in this place. This new, often, life-the-way-I-want-it place. I don't try to be something/someone I'm not. I can be disciplined, but found that it doesn't change my heart very much. I'd much rather be me. Sinner who is only sometimes repentant but inviting Jesus to do the deep and true transforming work that I cannot. I do this in the midst of sin, in times of obedience, in the in between times that constitute much of my life. My life is woefully bereft of religious structures, but I find I'm slowly but surely gaining an appetite. In fact I feel hungry right now!
